Can't Let Go of the Past
by slotatloverr
Summary: This is a Ricky/Adrian FRIENDSHIP story,  not relationship . They are in the same health class during their first year of college. Today's lesson...let's just say..not Adrian's favorite.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! I just had this idea one day so I'm going to make it into a short (I think) one-shot. For those RAMY shippers, I'm right there with you. I love them and I love Bendrian. This is NOT a Radrian relationship. It is just their friendship! Enjoy! :)**

It was the first day back to college after winter break. Ricky and Adrian were sitting in the same classroom once again because they had the same health teacher at the same time. They could both feel the distance between them, even though the professor had put them right on the diagonal from each other. Adrian wasn't looking forward to this class. She had even considered skipping today. They were beginning a unit on pregnancies and Adrian still wasn't completely passed what happened to her and Ben just one year ago. She was afraid that this class would make her upset. However, she just hoped that certain topics wouldn't be brought up.

"Hello class. Please turn your textbooks to page 176," Professor Smith said.

Adrian turned to the page, seeing a picture of a sonogram. She immediately stiffened at the sight of that. Ricky noticed Adrian's unpleasant reaction to the textbook page, so he took a look for himself. He opened to the page then realized why Adrian tensed up. He looked at the back of her head and sighed sympathetically.

"As you can see," the professor said, "this unit will be about pregnancies. Sorry for the men out there but this is going to lead up to another unit that you may enjoy."

"Okay, I would normally have you read this at home, but since it's the first day back, I will just do a lecture. So take notes."

The whole class got out their notebooks or laptops and got prepared for his lecture. Adrian was terrified for today. She was just praying that she wouldn't break down, as she had been even more depressed having gone through Christmas and New Years without a daughter and husband to celebrate with.

Professor Smith began his lecture. Adrian and Ricky could hardly pay attention. Adrian, because she didn't want to hear about all of this. And Ricky, because he was scared for Adrian, even though he was engaged to Amy. He knew that feeling sorry for Adrian could be bad. But he also knew that this must be really hard for her to listen to. They could be friends, right?

There were about 15 minutes until the end of the class. Adrian had begun to listen more closely because she figured nothing would come up about stillbirth seeing there was only 15 minutes of class left. She was worng.

"Sometimes class," the professor states, "pregnancies don't always turn out in a happy way. There can be complications. Now, there are the most familiar types of complications, like miscarriages. But one outcome that the average person doesn't think about, is stillbirth."

Adrian cringed at the word. She hated it. She could feel her eyes begin to sting. _No. Please no. Not now, _she thought to herself. She was trying to fight back the tears, but couldn't any longer. Ricky observed this and was about to whisper for her to go to the bathroom to get out of the rest of the lecture. But Adrian beat him to it.

She jumped out of her seat, and without saying a word to anyone, speed walked out of the classroom, trying to avoid eye contact with her professor and classmates so they wouldn't know she was crying.

Professor Smith stopped lecturing. He looked over to the door, confused. "Who just left?" he asked.

"Um," Ricky said, standing up. "It was Adrian Lee."

"And do you know her?"

"Yes. We went to high school together."

"Okay. Do you have any idea where she went."

"Well no. But, I know why she left."

"And why is that?"

Ricky looked around the room. He knew Adrian would be furious with him if she found out he told the entire class what happened to her. He walked up to the front corner of the room and motioned for the professor to come over.

"So?" Professor Smith said, waiting for an answer.

"Adrian had a stillborn baby almost a year ago. She's still really sensitive about these things."

Professor Smith's facial expression was immediately overcome with sadness. "Oh dear. Would you go talk to her?"

Ricky was hesitant, but he reluctantly agreed. He walk out of the classroom and looked to his right to see Adrian down the hall in the corner, sitting down with her knees curled up, sobbing.

He sighed before walking over to her. She didn't notice him hovering above her until he said her name, ever so quietly.

She looked up. "What are you doing?" she asked between sobs.

He sat down next to her and hugged her. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "Does it look like I'm okay to you?"

"No. I'm sorry. Can I do anything?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked away. "Why would I talk about this with you. It's not like you ever cared."

"What? Adrian I cared. I just didn't come to see you because I knew I wouldn't be able to see you like that, well, like this. I cared."

Adrian buried her head in her hands and cried even harder. "I-I miss her so mu-much," she managed to get out.

"I know Adrian. And I know I'm not the ideal person to talk to about this, but, I'm the only person that you feel comfortable around here. So if you want to talk…I'm ready to listen."

"You know. I would talk about it, but I don't even know where to start," Adrian said, looking up at him. Ricky quickly glanced away because he wasn't used to seeing Adrian upset like this.

"How about her name?"

Now it was Adrian's turn to look away. "Um. It was. It was Mercy."

Ricky smiled. "Mercy. That's a really pretty name. Who picked it? You or Ben?"

"Ben picked it. He said that he wanted her name to be special. He wanted it to be- to be meaningful. I wasn't very good at picking those names, so I let him pick it. When he-" Adrian paused for a few seconds, "when he said that name. Something about it just made my heart beat. That's the kind of name I wanted for her. So I said yes. And I guess it was an appropriate name…"

"I never knew her name until now. Did you tell people?"

"Only my parents, Ben, his parents, Grace, and Amy. Those were the only people I wanted to know," she said.

Ricky nodded, somewhat hurt that he was not one of those people, even though they were only friends at the time. "How often do you think about her?"

"Every night. Sometimes during the day too. I can't stop myself, I just can't help but think about what my life would be like if she had made it."

"Yeah. Sometimes I wonder that too. How life would have been different if something didn't happen."

Adrian nodded with tears streaming down her face.

Professor Smith walked out of the classroom and approached them. "Are you okay now Ms. Lee?"

"No, not really."

"Okay. Just come back in when you're ready. You too Mr. Underwood."

Ricky nodded as Adrian turned her back to the professor, embarrassed.

As he walked away, Ricky but his hand on Adrian's shoulder, resulting in her turning around. Ricky pulled her in for a hug. Adrian didn't wrap her arms around him, but accepted his hug by leaning into his chest.

After he released her, he asked, "Have you talked to Ben lately?"

Adrian nodded. "My family went to his house for a dinner on Christmas Eve."

"That was really nice of his dad. Did you guys talk at all about this?"

Adrian shook her head. "No, we just cried. It felt good to be in the protection of his arms again. I missed that feeling of knowing someone loves you and isn't going anywhere."

"Yeah. Now that I have Amy for that, I don't know how I let myself go without it when I was with you."

"I loved you Ricky. But, I gave up on you. And yeah I was depressed and angry, but when I was with Ben, I was so happy."

"You looked happy."

Adrian nodded. She wiped her tears with her index fingers. "Can you get my stuff from the classroom? I think I'm going to go home."

"Okay. Do you want me to come?"

"No that's okay. I'll call Ben. He'll come."

"Okay. I'll be back."

Ricky walked back into the classroom and went up to the professor. "I'm just getting Adrian's things. She wants to just go back home."

"Okay. Tell her I hope she feels better."

"I will."

"Is she sick?" Amanda, a student asked Ricky.

"No. She's just upset. I'm not saying anything. If you want to know, you'll have to ask Adrian." Ricky smirked.

He grabbed Adrian's bag and notebook before leaving the room.

"Here. Feel better. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks Ricky. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Amy I said hi. John too."

"I will. Bye Adrian."

"Bye Ricky."

**That's it! Not sure if I will continue this as I already have another story that I'm working on. And I'm so busy with school and dance so….yeah! If I get enough reviews I will continue. Say..5? Yeah. Five. Unless I decide to continue on my own. Okay I'm just confusing myself here. So I hope you enjoyed!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I wasn't planning on continuing this story but I don't have that much to do now so I decided that I wanted to write another chapter! ENJOY! :)**

Adrian was sitting on the bed in her dorm room with tears streaming down her face. She was ashamed of herself for making a fool out of herself in front of her entire class. She just couldn't handle that lecture. And it wasn't her fault either. Because of the recent event, she decided to call Ben.

"Hey Adrian. Look I'm at a meeting with Dr. Fields can it wait?" Ben said in a hurry.

"Um, well, I guess," Adrian responded.

Ben could immediately tell that she was upset. "Adrian are you okay? You sound upset?"

"Um. Yeah, not really. Something happened today in health. I was just wondering if you could come visit me? I just really need to talk to someone. A friend. Who understands," Adrian admitted, quietly.

"I'll be right over. Bye Adrian."

"Thank you Ben. Bye. I'll see you soon."

Adrian hung up the phone then heard a knock on the door. She was hoping it wasn't her roommate whom had been in that health class with her. She got off the bed and tried to wipe the tears before answering the door. However, the tears just kept coming so she gave up and opened the door.

Standing there, of course, was her roommate, Beth. Beth let herself in and hugged Adrian. Although Adrian never really thought of them as "close friends" she accepted her hug.

"Adrian what happened in there?" Beth asked, worried for her friend.

"I-I don't really feel like talking about it," Adrian said between sobs.

"Adrian we're friends. And I don't like seeing you like this. I never thought of you to be one to cry like this," Beth said. She took Adrian's hand and led her to sit down on their couch. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

Adrian hesitated before she started talking. This girl knew absolutely nothing about her past. Not one detail. "Um. It's kind of a long story."

"I have time."

"I don't. My friend is coming over to visit soon."

"That's fine. Please, Adrian. Tell me what's wrong."

"It has something to do with my past alright?"

"The pregnancy unit? Do you have a kid? Adrian why didn't you tell me?"

This made Adrian cry harder. Yes she had a kid. No she wasn't with her. But she wished every single day that she was with her. "Look Beth. I had a really hard senior year. The summer before it I got pregnant. Me and the boy fell in love. We got married, moved into a condo. We were really really happy. Unfortunately, things just didn't work out for us."

"Wait so the boy took the kid? Is that what happened?"

"No. We um. I had a –a stillborn. She died before she had a chance to live."

"Oh my God Adrian I had no idea. I'm so sorry that's so terrible," Beth said before leaning in to give Adrian a hug.

Adrian hugged her back and cried into her new friend's shoulder.

"Look I really appreciate you trying to help but is there any way you can go somewhere? The boy that I had this baby with is coming over."

"Your husband?"

"Ex. Ex-husband," Adrian corrected.

Beth nodded. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Now, please, can I be alone?"

"Adrian I'm worried about you."

"No. Don't be worried. I hate when people worry about me. Just go. Please."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything. I'll be home around 8."

"Okay. Bye."

After Beth left, Adrian sat patiently waiting on her bed for Ben to arrive. Even if they didn't talk about Mercy, it still made Adrian feel better to talk to Ben. She didn't exactly know why. Sometimes she thought it was because she still loved him. She did. And she would tell him only if there was any chance that it would work out. But they both knew they have been through too many things and hurt each other too many times for it to ever work again. No matter how much they both wanted it.

About 10 minutes after Beth left, there was another knock on the door. Adrian got up and opened it to see Ben on the other side.

"Adrian. Hi. What happened?"

"Hey Ben. Sit down."

They walked over to the couch and sat down.

"So?"

Adrian took a deep breath before beginning. "Okay so I was in health and the unit that the teacher was lecturing on was..pregnancies."

"Uh oh," Ben interrupted.

Adrian nodded. "That wasn't the worst part. I was able to think about other things for the almost the whole class up until the last 15 minutes or so. The professor started to talk about stillbirths. And I-I don't know I couldn't handle it. I broke down and ran out of the classroom. It was so embarrassing."

"Don't think about what the other students think. I'm sorry Adrian. That's really awful. Was anyone there that you're close with? You know that helped you out?"

"Well Ricky was in the class. He followed me out of the classroom. I just hope that he didn't tell anyone why I left. As if they couldn't figure it out."

Ben pulled Adrian close to him and she lay her head down on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "I'm glad Ricky was there for you. Does the professor understand why you left?"

"Yeah he knows now. He let me leave class."

"That's good. So are you going to that class tomorrow? Are they gonna talk about it?"

Adrian hadn't thought about that. She started to think that the lecture would be continued. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she forgot to answer Ben.

"Adrian?"

Adrian turned her head and looked up at her ex-husband. Her eyes were filled with tears that were about to spill over.

"Ben I miss you," Adrian confessed.

"I miss you too Adrian," Ben said, looking into the eyes of the women he once loves, or, still, loves.

"What happened to us? We were so happy. I loved you. You loved me."

"I don't know Adrian. We were young and foolish. I regret everything that I have done to hurt you. And I mean that."

"I know. Me too Benny. I'm sorry for everything. It's all my fault. If I hadn't tried to get back with Ricky we would still be together."

"No. It isn't your fault. It's both of ours."

"Ben?"

"Yes Adrian?"

Adrian sat up and looked into Ben's eyes. "What would you say if I told you that I still love you?"

Ben smiled lightly. "I would have no choice but to say that I still loved you too."

Adrian smiled then put her head back down on Ben's shoulder and he stroked her hair. They were both thinking about the possibility that they might be able to get back together.

**A/N: thanks for reading! Reviews? I don't know if I will continue..it depends..but reviews would help the chance!**


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